Thank You President Obama!

Since I am obviously too dumb to think for myself, enclosed is a letter I sent to President Obama thanking him for doing the thinking for me. I have translated the letter back from phonetically spelled version to one using correct grammar for your convenience.

Thank you President Obama for giving our neighborhood funds from your stimulus legislation. The new water park is a great new place for me to sell and do drugs and alcohol.

Thank you President Obama for closing Guantanamo Bay and giving terrorists more rights. I know for a fact that the government and law enforcement have not been treating criminals, like me, with the respect we deserve.

Thank you President Obama for passing health care reform. Now I no longer have any major out of pocket expenses because I also collect welfare, food stamps, and low income housing.

Thank you President Obama for passing cap and trade. There is already too much pollution in my neighborhood and it is hard for me to breath. I have had trouble breathing ever since I worked in meth labs. Any chance you can get your SEIU and AFL-CIO friends to allow us into their unions? The drug business is hard and dangerous work and we need to be protected.

Thank you President Obama for taking control of the BP oil spill. If you had not done this, it would have been a huge disaster and spoiled my yearly vacation trips to the beach.

Thank you President Obama for not cracking down on illegal immigrants. They supply me my drugs while others are some of my best customers. Besides, they do the jobs that I and my partying friends do not want to do. This keeps the economy thriving in my neighborhood, which is obviously good for my drug business.

Thank you President Obama for blaming President George Bush and the Republicans for all your problems. I also blame my mother, father, and my wealthy siblings for all my problems. They failed me like Bush failed you.

Thank you President Obama for taking the current recession out on those big banks. They are irresponsible and it would be a good idea for you to pass on the fees and fines you collect from them to people that could use some extra cash, like me. Banks do not deserve bailouts, but I do.

Thank you President Obama for not investigating ACORN since they helped me obtain a new house at very little expense, especially since I qualified for your 8,000 dollar refund. My friends love to hang out and party at my new place. ACORN is almost as great as you. We party with you because we have a poster of you hanging on wall. The poster is right because it says “Hope and Change” - you are the best thing that has happened to people like me. Finally, someone is looking out for my best interests.

Thank you President Obama for sending Census workers into my dangerous neighborhood. I have filed over 100 forms so we can get the representation we desperately need to get higher monetary handouts from the government.

P.S. Now that you own the automotive companies is there any chance you can give me a new Cadillac? It would be great for business.

I ended my letter: Tank yew prezedent obomer fer tinkin an aktin an takin kare of me cuz im unedumacated cuz of drugz an alkohaul adikshun. Ur the best!

I hate to be so cynical about the job Obama and Democrats are doing, but it is almost comical what they stand for.